Bad news truth causes less anxiety than comforting lies #MOC19
At my weekly check-in with students today, we got onto the subject of secrets and their affect on anxiety.
It reminded me of a conversation I had almost two years ago with my friend Kate Messner when she was in town for a school visit. We both grew up in families where secrets were kept from us for our “protection.” It’s probably not surprising then, that we both ended up as journalists and writers — because we’re on a perpetual search for truth.
As I often tell people who want to write books for young people, kids have Grade A bullshit detectors. When they sense that the people they trust to tell them the truth about the world aren’t giving it to them straight, it causes fractures in the foundation of their world. Adults think they are lying for protection, but what they are really doing is teaching kids that even the people who love them most will lie.
That’s a pretty strong basis for anxiety.
I’m far from a perfect parent — my parenting mistakes are legion — but when my kids were younger I made a conscious effort to be honest with them in an age appropriate way. I’d seen just how destructive secrets can be within families.
Students shared stories of how the truth had been kept from them, ostensibly for their own protection, only to feel betrayed when it came out. They talked about how no one discussed difficult subjects like divorce, and how it left them anxious and confused.
This connection between lies and anxiety is something that I wish the current occupant of the Oval Office understood. I made the mistake of watching his daily press conference on March 29th. For those who spared themselves, that was the one where he bragged that the ratings for his briefings were higher than The Bachelor finale, and Monday Night Football. He claimed to have “made stars” of some of the people who spoke at them.
So what if hospitals in New York are having to store bodies in trailers because the morgues are full? The Narcissist-in-Chief has to brag about his ratings!
I could feel my blood pressure as the N-I-C continued bragging— and I have low blood pressure. Then Dr. Fauci came to the podium, and explained in how bad things really were, in a calm, steady voice. I turned to my husband, and said, “I can feel my blood pressure going down when Fauci speaks.”
Why is it that the N-I-C telling us how great of a job he’s doing sends my blood pressure skyrocketing, and Dr. Fauci telling us there’s a reasonable possibility of me dying is calming? Because it’s better to hear the honest bad truth than any optimistic lie.
Last week, I discussed Orwell’s Politics and the English Language with this class. This week, I’m sharing this post with them, a ripped-from-the headlines example of 1984’s memory hole.
I’m not going holding my breath waiting for the N-I-C to tell the truth. But I can choose to turn off the television.
I can choose to only get my information about COVID19 from reliable sources.
I can choose to listen to my students when they talk about their anxiety and their struggles in this unprecedented situation.
I can choose truth.
This is part of the Mass Observation Covid-19 Project, (#moc19) organized by Vance Briceland. Read about the project here.
